What to Do When You’re Attracted to Someone Who Isn’t Your Spouse

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What to Do When You’re Attracted to Someone Who Isn’t Your Spouse

Attraction outside of marriage is not uncommon, even in Christian relationships. It can be shocking to feel drawn to someone who isn’t your spouse, especially when your intention has always been to stay faithful. You may feel ashamed, afraid, or confused. But the presence of temptation does not mean you’ve failed—how you respond to it is what defines your integrity.

The truth is, attraction in itself is not sin. It’s a human reaction, a momentary feeling. But what happens after the feeling arises is where spiritual maturity is tested. When left unchecked, that attraction can grow into fantasy, secrecy, and eventually action. That’s why guarding your heart is not just a nice phrase—it’s a spiritual discipline that protects the sacredness of your covenant.

The first step is to acknowledge the feeling honestly before God. Don’t bury it in denial or mask it in religious pride. Bring it into the light through prayer: “Lord, I feel this, and I don’t want it to control me. Help me.” Confession opens the door for God’s strength to meet your weakness. Ignoring the feeling doesn’t make it disappear; confronting it with humility is what breaks its power.

Next, set boundaries immediately. If the attraction involves someone you work with, serve with, or communicate with often, you need to put space between your heart and that interaction. This might feel uncomfortable, but your marriage is worth the awkwardness. Protecting your spouse starts with removing yourself from situations that fuel fantasy or flirtation. Boundaries are not about punishment—they’re about preservation.

Another crucial step is refocusing your attention on your spouse. Often, attraction outside of marriage arises when connection within the marriage has weakened. It might not be about the other person at all—it may be about an unmet need or emotional distance at home. This is the time to re-engage: initiate conversations, speak words of affirmation, plan meaningful time together. Choose to nurture what you’ve already been given rather than chasing a momentary illusion.

It also helps to talk to someone wise and trusted—preferably a spiritual mentor or counselor. This is not about shaming yourself, but inviting accountability. Sometimes, the strength to resist is found in community, not secrecy. Hiding your struggle only gives it more power. Speaking it out breaks its hold.

Remember, the enemy of your soul hates covenant. He wants to convince you that your feelings justify your actions. He’ll whisper lies like “It’s harmless,” or “No one will know,” or “You deserve to be happy.” But the peace that comes from honoring your vows will always outweigh the thrill of momentary pleasure. The consequences of emotional or physical betrayal extend far beyond the moment—they scar trust, fragment families, and grieve the heart of God.

You are not powerless. The Holy Spirit gives strength to those who ask. You can say no. You can walk away. You can refocus your heart, realign your mind, and rekindle the passion within your marriage. God never asks you to resist temptation alone—He offers grace, wisdom, and the power to stand firm.

Closing Prayer:

Lord, guard my heart. Strengthen me when I feel weak, and remind me of the sacred vows I’ve made. Help me to love my spouse with renewed passion and protect my marriage from anything that threatens its purity. I choose faithfulness, I choose honor, and I choose You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

#ChristianMarriagePurity, #FaithfulnessInTemptation, #GuardYourHeart, #HonorYourVows, #MarriageFaithfulness

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