What to Do When Your Marriage Feels One-Sided
There are seasons in marriage where one spouse feels like they're carrying most of the weight—emotionally, spiritually, or even physically. You’re showing up, speaking kindly, serving faithfully, but the response is lukewarm or absent. You’re praying alone, initiating conversations, keeping the peace, yet you feel unseen and unreciprocated. This can be deeply discouraging, especially in a Christian marriage where mutual love and submission are foundational ideals.
When a marriage feels one-sided, it’s tempting to either shut down or lash out. You may wonder, “Why keep trying if nothing changes?” But faithfulness in marriage isn’t based on equal returns—it’s rooted in covenant. While that doesn’t mean accepting abuse or neglect, it does mean learning how to stay anchored when the emotional balance feels off.
Start by acknowledging the pain. Denying your frustration doesn’t help—it only leads to emotional exhaustion or bitterness. Talk to God honestly about how you feel. He is not intimidated by your weariness. Pour it all out, not to complain, but to find clarity and strength. “Lord, I feel like I’m doing this alone. Help me to love well and not grow cold.”
Next, examine your motives—not to find fault, but to realign your heart. Are you loving your spouse only when they respond the way you want? Or are you learning to love as Christ does—sacrificially, patiently, unconditionally? While your spouse’s growth is their responsibility, your attitude in the waiting season is yours. You don’t have to fake joy—but you can choose steady kindness and quiet strength.
That said, setting healthy boundaries is not unchristian—it’s wise. If your spouse is emotionally unavailable, inattentive, or dismissive over time, it’s okay to lovingly express how their actions affect you. Silence doesn’t foster growth—truth in love does. Speak not from a place of accusation, but from a desire for connection. “I love you, but I feel distant lately. Can we talk about what we both need to feel close again?”
Don’t underestimate the power of small things. A gentle touch. A note of appreciation. A prayer whispered as they sleep. These quiet acts carry weight. They may not fix everything overnight, but they protect your own heart from hardening. Love given in the face of silence is not weakness—it’s maturity. It reflects the love of God, who pursues even when we pull away.
However, you should never endure disrespect or emotional abuse in the name of patience. If your marriage has crossed into patterns of emotional neglect, manipulation, or verbal harm, seek godly counsel. In some cases, temporary space or outside support is necessary for healing to begin.
Above all, remember that your labor in love is never wasted. Even if your spouse doesn’t change right away, you are sowing seeds of grace. And God sees every sacrifice made in secret. He is not only the witness of your pain—He is the restorer of broken places. In time, what feels one-sided now can become balanced again, as healing works its way into both hearts.
Remain hopeful, but also remain anchored in truth. You are not alone in this. And God, who joined you together, is still writing your story.
Closing Prayer:
Father, You see the weariness in my heart. Teach me to love with grace even when it’s hard. Heal what is broken in our connection and stir my spouse’s heart with renewed desire for unity. Help me stay faithful—not in my own strength, but in Yours. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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